“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” (Isaiah 43:25)
When asked to be forgiven, she received this response: “Well through the help of God’s love, I can forgive you. But I don’t know that I am strong enough to continue to be your friend, because I will always remember how deeply you have hurt me.” I wasn’t quite sure I agreed, but I certainly understood. There are many of us who have probably felt this way at one time or other. None of us go through life without experiencing some level of betrayal. Although we may find that over time we may be able to verbalize an expression of forgiveness, letting go and forgetting what happened may be an entirely different matter. When trust has been broken, the whole concept of ‘forgive and forget’ may be something we need to pray about in order for true healing to begin or for the relationship to have any hope of a future.
On what appeared to be a normal Wednesday night at the Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, South Carolina, the senior pastor began the weekly prayer meeting and Bible study on June 17, 2015. A 21-year-old man, a stranger to the group, sat next to the pastor who led the discussion for nearly an hour. Then in an apparent racially-motivated hate crime, the young man pulled out a handgun and fatally wounded nine of those who were in attendance, including the pastor. Less than two days later, the alleged shooter appeared before a judge where family members of the victims were present. A lady whose mother had died in the shooting spoke to the accused stating: “I will never be able to hold her again, but I forgive you. And have mercy on your soul. You hurt me. You hurt a lot of people but God forgives you, and I forgive you.” How does one find the courage to forgive in circumstances like this, knowing that the magnitude of the atrocity will most likely never be forgotten? We come to realize that it is when we are in the deepest part of our pain that our forgiveness has its greatest impact. It is then that our witness to others will help to initiate change in the world around us.
It is clear in scripture that God’s forgiveness is based upon the repentance of our own sin in accord with our forgiveness of those who have sinned against us. In Jesus example of how we should pray – He says, “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12). The one who has committed wrongdoing may not desire forgiveness and may never change, but that doesn’t negate God’s desire that we would possess a forgiving spirit by loving our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). The apostle Paul tell us: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. (Romans 12:17-19).
When Peter asked Jesus about forgiveness, He told the Parable of the Unmerciful Servant (Matthew 18:23-34). It is wise for us to focus on the concluding words of His story: “This is how my Heavenly father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart” (Matthew 18:35). And therein lies our answer – while forgiving and forgetting may not be compatible from our viewpoint, it’s more a matter of the heart. It’s our job to not allow a root of bitterness to take hold (Hebrews 12:15) as we let God go to work and transform a heart that will make a difference. We must move forward in our journey for the sake of Christ and strive toward what lies ahead knowing that God said, “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12). So as we take stock of our own lives, we can each be thankful that “God does not wish to remember what He is willing to forget” (George A. Buttrick). We can rest assured in knowing that whenever our heart is right with God that we can move beyond forgiveness and become prepared to simply let go.
REFLECTION: How do you react to hurt or offense in your life? Do you sometimes feel that getting revenge or wounding the one who hurt you would resolve your problem? How do you bring lasting peace and release to a spirit that feels wounded? What characteristics in your life might indicate that you haven’t fully forgotten past hurts, even if you may have verbalized forgiveness?
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